nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
