things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
