My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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