My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just puked most of my soul out..
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
