Who did Billy Mays play for?
accomplished twins. life is a go
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
