Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
