i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
