A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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