Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
last night I used snow as a chaser
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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