Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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