UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
