Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
