Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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