Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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