Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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