Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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