My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
