Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
