I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
