I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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