Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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