There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
