I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
