Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
