he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
