I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
