This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
