She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
