what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
