I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
