My liver just broke up with me...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
