he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
