We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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