So drunk its hurt
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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