11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
