Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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