you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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