I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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