never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
