The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
