Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
