his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
