The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
