She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
