Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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