im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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