i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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