K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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