Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
