Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
