I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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