**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
