i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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