Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
