Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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